I don’t know what to say but I often feel guilty about many things. For example cutting people out of my Christmas gift list makes me feel bad, eating my son’s chocolate bar makes me feel bad and not being able to visit my family out of town as much as I would want to also makes me feel bad. But that kind of guilt has nothing on mommy guilt. Come on now if your a mommy you know exactly what I am talking about. Your baby is screaming at the top of their lungs nothing you do or say is helping and you need just a couple minutes to step away and collect yourself. I usually put my baby in a safe spot like his crib and take a minute or two just to re-group before going back in there. Then once I am collected enough I am able to get booger boy calmed down also. After all is said and done there have been times where I have sat there and cried….I know I know some people will read this and be like what the heck is your issue. But to me I feel bad because when my son was having a rough time and unable to express what was wrong he needed me and wanted me, his mom to hold him and let him know it was ok. but here I am about to loose my shit myself. I try to explain to DH how I feel but he doesn’t understand and will say better you took that minute or two as now your calm and baby senses it and next thing you know baby is sound asleep cuddled into my chest. Sure what he said makes sense but it still doesn’t replace that guilt I feel for not being able to keep it together.
That’s just an example. Today well I had one of those mommy guilt days. The weather was crap I had planned to take a trip to the store to get craft stuff. But booger boy was having a rough day. He was wanting to be held, nursed and held some more. I thought I would loose my mind. My oldest Super Boy he was so great and understanding. He never said a word or complained about all this time I was spending with his baby brother. But I felt that feeling slowly creeping up again. What kind of mom was I being, how unfair It was for me to be focusing all this attention on one and not the other. It was driving me nuts so I decided off we would go to visit my dad and bring our pumpkins along also. This way there was more people around which meant more attention for both boys:)
Well things got hectic once we got there. DH had things he had to do and we were waiting on Sarah to come home from work so we could carve all our pumpkins together. Super Boy has a hard time waiting, which ended up him asking every 10 minutes when his dad and Sarah would be there so we could carve pumpkins. He ended up running around like a mad man, going outside finding a toad
asking to bring it in the house but settled for placing it in a pumpkin outside that was already done. I was getting a little bothered by the constant asking and dealing with a baby who wanted all of my attention. I them decided it was time to take a deep breath put my mommy undies on and do what I had to do.
A couple hours later and the time had come to carve pumpkins. I must say it was my favourite part of the day. I then realized why my son was so impatient to do this fun activity and also why my youngest was so upset, he was tired from a not so great nap and a new tooth coming in. Then it hit again the mommy guilt. Why didn’t I just think about what was causing the issues. I could of been more sympathetic to both of them.
I am not perfect as much as I like to tell my hubby that I am, but I am human. I make mistakes and learn every day as do my children. I guess the minute I stop feeling guilty is when I stop growing and learning as a parent. Sometimes all it takes is putting your mommy undies on and moving forward with your day, and learning to apologize to your children. When they see that it is ok to make mistakes they too will learn a mistake is just a mistake and be able to move forward and learn from the situation.